Bullying from the perspective of the abuser.
One undeniable fact about the Bible is its claim that it is God’s own words (2 Timothy 3:16 and 2 Peter 1:20-21). And if this is true, of which it is as you shall see shortly, then the Bible becomes the final authority in any matter it speaks about. Why? Because if the Bible is God’s own words, then when the Bible, in its context, speaks, God speaks. Again, always remember that the same Bible that argues that the Bible is God’s own words also argues that God cannot lie. Numbers 23:19 states, “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? The Apostle Paul, in Titus 1:2, found in the New Testament, writes, “In hope of eternal life, which God, who never lies, promised before the ages began.”
Therefore if you want to know the truth about life under the sun, the only place you can be sure to find it is in the Bible. There is no absolute truth outside of the Bible. Speaking of radical change (i.e., inside out) that can only be found in Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:20-21, “But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus.” And Jesus Christ himself said in John 14:6, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
Now the critical question is, “Does the Bible say anything about bullying?” And the answer is a resounding yes!
Interestingly, when you read the whole Bible, you will not find the word bullying. Instead, there are numerous passages of Scripture and vivid and practical examples of abused people (and abusers) in all the contexts you can ever imagine. In fact, when you read the Bible carefully, you’re treated to countless examples of “bullying” or abuse; and for the sake of this article, we will explore a few classical biblical cases to uncover the horror of this beast called “bullying.”
Bullying from the perspective of the abuser:
According to the Bible, there are two critical truths about the abuser that will help us have a thorough and deeper understanding of the concept of “bullying” or abuse. This article will deal with the first one: the abuser is always stronger than the abused. Whether the abuse is emotional or physical, the abuser always has the upper hand over the abused. And as a result, they use their added advantage to get whatever they want at the expense of the abused. James, the half brother of Jesus Christ, inspired by the Holy Spirit (Cf. 2 Peter 1:20-21), put it this way: “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions” (James 4:1-3).
Boiling it down, abusers will do whatever it takes to get what they want. That’s what James 4:1-3 (above) is telling us about those who love the world more than God. They make sure the temperature of hostility increases until they get what they want. Slowly but surely, they will start by making you feel uncomfortable, maybe through sarcastic remarks, to get what they want. And if you don’t give in to their demands, they will increase the temperature of hostility by becoming violent, violent to the point of death. And guess what? Abusers don’t only manipulate people; they also try to manipulate God, in their prayers, in order to get what they want. Just in case you missed it, James wrote, in James 4:3, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” There you go! Abusers are people who abuse others to get what they desperately want.
To give a few biblical examples, immediately after the fall of humankind (Genesis 4), we find Cain bullying his young brother Abel to the point of killing him, It says in Genesis 4:8, “Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him.” Cain was physically too powerful for Abel as he was a big brother. That’s how ugly bullying can go, even hurting and killing your loved ones in order to get what you want. In the case of Cain, he wanted God to bless him, maybe by virtue of being a big brother, but instead, God blessed his young brother Abel. So bullying is not only found in our schools and workplaces but also in our homes.
Most importantly, bullying or abuse is, more than anything, a heart problem (Cf. Proverbs 4:23, Luke 6:43-45, and Mark 7:20-23). Cain was jealous of his young brother’s blessing from God as the Apostle John gives us a glimpse of what was going on in Cain’s heart. As stated in John 3:11-12, “For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous.” Instead of love, hatred and jealousy were controlling Cain’s heart.In this context, Abel’s abuse or bullying was due to Cain’s jealousy towards his brother’s blessings from God.
Bullying or abuse also thrives in the group context. For example, in Genesis 37, we find another classical bullying case in which Joseph, a seventeen-year-old teenager (Genesis 37:2), is abused by his ten older brothers. Again, the strong against the weak; the mighty group of ten older brothers against the vulnerability of one young brother. Here is how the seed of bullying started, “Now Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his sons, because he was the son of his old age. And he made him a robe of many colors. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peacefully to him” (Genesis 37:3-4).
The temperature of hostility continued to increase when Joseph told his brothers and parents of his God-given dreams about his future, i.e., his blessings from God. Genesis 37:5 states, “Now Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers they hated him even more.”
Because of Joseph’s special love from his father and his glorious future revealed to him by God through dreams, his older and physically stronger brothers hated and hurt him emotionally and physically. They hated and hurt him, even to the point of conspiring to kill him, throwing him into the pit, and selling him away to a foreign people (Genesis 37:18-28).
Now, as we are about to take the last two classic biblical cases of abuse, it is already clear that, according to the Bible, abuse or bullying is a heart issue. So far, we’ve learned that the abusers express the sinfulness and selfishness of their hearts by hating and hurting those who are vulnerable around them, either in a group or individual context.
Another classic example of abuse is that of a group of devout Jews who were persecuting Christians during the early church as found in the book of Acts. Now, in this case, abuse was in the form of organized religious persecution. The group of devout Jews, led by Saul, who later became the Apostle Paul, had the privilege of religious support from the religious leader of his time. “But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem” (Acts 9:1-2).
The above scenario gives us another dimension of bullying or abuse. It clearly shows that abuse thrives where the abused is in the stronghold of a particular group of people. In this case, the young Church of Jesus Christ was in its infancy stage in Jerusalem, a Jewish stronghold, hence the abuse in the form of persecution. And that is always the case when young Christians get bullied, abused, or persecuted during the early stages of their newfound faith or conversion. In Hebrews 10:32-33, the writer of Hebrews put it this way, “But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated.”
In a diverse country like ours, South Africa, bullying can be underlined by the difference in our skin color or cultural diversity. If you find yourself being a white person among black people, you might as well be bullied, or vice versa. Suppose a person from one tribe, maybe a Pedi or Venda person, is amongst the stronghold of other tribes, perhaps a rural village outside his or her Province, and perhaps he or she cannot speak their local language. In that case, he or she might as well be taken advantage of because of his or her vulnerability.
The bottom line is bullying or abuse is all about the strong, in one way or the other, taking advantage of the weak or vulnerable, whether at an individual or group level.
Lastly, Jesus Christ, more than the account of Joseph in Genesis 37 and 39, is the supreme example of a person who was unjustly treated or abused from the start, throughout, and to the end of his earthly ministry. In his childbirth, King Herod, thinking that Jesus Christ was a threat to his kingdom, persecuted Jesus wanting to kill him. In this context, Jesus Christ was born in the stronghold of King Herod, no wonder the persecution. In Matthew 2:13, Matthew writes, “Now when they had departed, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him.”
And throughout Jesus’ earthly ministry, different groups of religious leaders had a negative attitude towards Jesus Christ, always looking for an opportunity to trap him. Mark, in Mark 12:13, writes, “And they sent to him some of the Pharisees and some of the Herodians, to trap him in his talk.” That was their mission and the emotional abuse Jesus Christ had to endure in all of his earthly ministries until the point of death (Matthew 27:18; 16:1, 19:3, 22:15, Luke 11:54, 20:20, and John 8:6). His life and earthly ministry were characterized by the abuse from the religious abusers or bullies of his time. He was abused in all senses; no wonder prophet Isaiah described him as follows: “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” The words “despised and rejected” and “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” clearly depicts the intensity – i.e., the breadth and length and height and depth – of Jesus’ unjust suffering or bullying during his earthly life and ministry.
In summary, Jesus Christ suffered the full measure of suffering on behalf of all sinners living under the sun, especially the elects as the Bible present it (Cf. Ephesians 1:4-5, John 6:37-40, Matthew 24:22, and 2 Timothy 2:20). And Hebrews 4:15-16 records a heart-warming call to all who might be suffering as Jesus Christ suffered, saying, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
If you’re suffering from any kind of so-called “bullying,” please don’t kill yourself; come to Jesus Christ for the help only Jesus Christ can give you. He exactly knows what you are going through, and he is the only one who can give you the rest that you desperately need. Listen to Jesus’ owns words recorded in Mattew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
In the next article, I will be making a biblical case on the second critical truth about the abuser.
Biblical Counseling, African Context 